<--Back What can I do to make it as a rugby whore, I'm out of tricks and just can't seem to get it right no matter what I do. Some cheap hooker Dear Cheap Hooker, Well your problem is obvious...low self esteem. Don't refer to yourself as some cheap hooker. From now on refer to yourself as "A Damn Fine Ho". Remember, perception is reality. Talk yourself up. Exaggerate. Bend the truth. In other words, lie. Also practice an accent. In the Rugby world, just like the real world, accents are sexy, you can get anything you want if you have an accent. Happy Hooking, Rugby Buddha Dear budda, I have a question. What position do you your self find the most exciting? Well, As a hooker, I like being in the middle of the action. So, I would have to say my favorite position is bellied up to the middle of the bar, with a a frosty cold mug in front of me and a warm female rugger on either side! Nirvana has many faces, find the one that speaks to you. Cheers! Rugby Buddha Buddha, Do you have an archive of questions you have previously answered? I was scouring your site some time back and came across one that asked about the poem for forwards to backs. Something along the lines of, "Deep down in a place you don't like to talk about at those selection meetings....you want me in that scrum, you NEED me in that scrum." I didn't have a chance then to copy it, but would like a copy. If you could tell me where to find it I would greatly appreciate it. Cheers, Wild Child Dear Wild Child, I like that! Is it an on field or off field reference? Both? Anyway here is your quote: *********************** Son, in this world there are scrums. And in those scrums you need forwards. Are you willing to do it? As a forward, I have more responsibility than you can ever fathom. You use words like "drunk" and "out of shape"; those words are the very backbone of a life I spent drinking and partying in, and you use them as a punchline. You weep for your wings and centers, and curse the forward. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of knowing that the front row, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins these games you play. Truth? You can't handle the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about in your selection meetings, you want me in that scrum; you need me in that scrum. I neither have the time nor inclination to explain myself to a back who scores on the very blanket of ball retention that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just bought me a beer and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you crawl into that scrum and get dirty. Either way, I don't give a damn who you think is responsible. **************************** And here is another little tidbit for you, an excerpt from an article by Didds: "Someone in the team always knows someone who knew a Back that volunteered to play prop once and now spends his days mumbling into his soup and watching the birds on the lawn." Cheers! Rugby Buddha Dear Rugby Buddha, Recently, our Rugby team lost to one of our chief rivals, and to make matters worse, they were a bunch of cheapshots. Our next game against them is two whole months away, and we ARE going to get revenge. But in the meantime, I was wondering what rotten pranks I could pull on these morons (preferably illegal ones). Any ideas? Ah My Felonious Friend, Revenge is a slippery walk on a cliff side trail. Very exciting, very dangerous and prone to disaster. There are two things you should keep in mind. What do you want to accomplish and how do you want to be seen in the eyes of those that watch you? I would think the primary concern would be exacting the most painful revenge. That is simple, win. Beat them on the field. The best revenge is victory. The ultimate revenge is a total victory. By that I mean beat them in every phase of the game, and do it cleanly. If you play their game you leave open a ray of hope- even after a heavy loss. They'll sit around and say "We can beat those cheap shot, cheating @$%%@'s next time!" If you win clean, win big, and dominate them completely there is no ray of hope, no spark of anger to fuel them next time. Any way they look at it they were beat by a better team- And Nothing is more disheartening. Now I know you are going to say I'm being Politically Correct, and I am. But this is one of those situations where being PC is actually the way to go. I'm not saying stand there and take cheap shots, but as a Ref I can tell you the guy that throws the second punch, or goes in third to a fight, or takes a revenge shot at another player is the one that gets penalized and or tossed. That hurts your team and makes it hard to win. Believe me if this rivalry is what you say and they are as cheap as you say, the Ref will know it going in and be looking for trouble. If he finds it, make sure it is from them. The second thing to consider is how you as a player want to be viewed and how your team wants to be viewed. Even in a bitter rivalry, playing a cheap game marks you as a cheap player and/or team. Once you get that rep it is hard to lose it. It effects how other teams play you, how Referee Societies view you, they way Union/Territory Discipline Committees treat you and makes your recruiting efforts that much harder. Rugby is a rough game. There are too many ways to legally punish your opposition. You don't need to play cheap to win unless your team is completely lacking talent and skill, and doesn't have the dedication necessary to master the skills and fitness need the game demands, or the heart to play above their own abilities when faced with a stronger opponent. Think about the kind of player and team you want to be, then play like it! You have two months! Do what it takes to win clean and win BIG! That is the ultimate revenge. Cheers! Rugby Buddha PS- I've got a whole bunch of tried and true pranks. We've just always used them in friendly rivalries. Here's a serious question I would like you to ask Buddha for me, if you don't already know the answer: who coined the immortal phrase "the game they play in Heaven" and when was it first used? Kind regards and best wishes, Eric. Dear Eric, "The Game they play in Heaven" is credited to Welsh Comedian/Folk Singer Max Boyce. Max, along with Tom Jones and others played the opening ceremonies at the 1999 World Cup. Max also penned the rugby anthem "Hymns and Arias" below. Cheers! Rugby Buddha We paid our weekly shilling for that January Trip A long weekend in London aye without a bit of kip There's a seat reserved for beer By the boys form Abercarn There's beer pontoon crisps and fags and a croacking Caronlarn And we were singong Hyms and Arias Land of my Fathers A Hean a nos (excuse spelling) Into pedders we did roll with an empty crate of ale Will has lost the cards So it's Western Mails for sale But Will is very happy though his money all has gone, he swapped 5 photos of his wife for one of Barry John. And we were singing...... We told the guard that we're from Wales and asked is twickers far He said you can catch the 48 man but it isn't very far On the bus were boys from Blinah who'd been to see the queen so we had a quiick eran ver ie It was the greatest London scene And we were singing........ We got to Twickers early and we were jossoling the crowd Planted leaks and dragons looked for toilets all around so many there we couldn't budge twisted legs and pales I ashamed to use a bottle that once held a bit of ale And we were singing....... Wales defeated England In a fast and open game we sang Cwm Rhondda and Delilah Damn they sounded both the same We sympothised with an Englishman who's team was doomed to fail so with give him that old bottle that once held a bit of ale. And we were singing.......... So it's off to Soho for the night to the girls with the shiny beads To the funny men with lipstick on with evil lines and needs One said to Will from a doorway dark Damn she didn't have much on But Will knew what she wanted His photo of Barry John And we were singing........